Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Damn, it's winter.

And nothing makes me crabbier than being cold.

The first whiff of spring mud, the first time it's still light out when I leave work at 7pm, I feel like I just won the lottery. Actually, I feel like you do after you have the flu and start to feel good again- "Thank GOD that is over, I am SO happy I can get on with my life!" And for some reason, every year, I think winter is just like the flu, something that maybe comes along once every few years.

Um, no. This would be Chicago. And six or seven months out of the year, it gets dark at noon, I spend every night in a boiling hot bath, trying to regain feeling in my fingers and toes, and all I want to do is wrap myself in flannel, burrow under the covers with the cats, and sleep until late May. November is the feeling you have when you FIRST get the flu. "ohhhh, I feel awful, WHYYYYYY don't I appreciate my health when I'm not sick? I should run and leap and play!" I mean, I'm not DONE with summer! I only ate at an outdoor cafe, like, once. I did not drink in a single beer garden that I can recall. What the HELL was I doing?????

I'm so depressed.

On a semi-related note, the wedding is in three weeks. And when I set the date for November, I was VERY worried about how cold I would be. We came thisclose to getting October 20th- the church was available, but we couldn't find a reception venue. It was 80 degrees and sunny with a light breeze and no humidity on October 20th. It's going to snow on November 17th, I just know it.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It's not whether you win or lose,

it's whether or not you make your boss cry.

Unfortunately, I failed at that task today. This is especially shameful because my boss cries if you forget to bless her when she sneezes.

I realize it's not remotely original to hate your boss. So I'm unoriginal. And really, a lot of the reasons WHY I hate her are not original- she takes credit for my work, she doesn't acknowledge the extra things I do unless it somehow decreases her own work (so, hospital-wide task force that involves meeting with th highest leadership? Eh. She still has to talk to people. One power point presentation that takes five minutes? That's the best thing I've ever done, because now she doesn't have to do it!), and the last time she even approached a forty-hour work week, Democrats were in the White House.

The weird thing about her? The real root of my hatred? She's afraid of everyone. No, really, she supervises two inpatient units plus four nurse practitioners, and she is afraid of everyone. There is no discipline, there is no follow-up, nothing. And not because she can't be bothered, but because she's too scared to do it. And she cries CONSTANTLY.

So my annual review was coming up, and I knew I wasn't getting the highest rating (which only a limited number of staff per are are eligible to receive). I did a TON of extra activities, served on about a billion committees, and responded positively to the (very minor) feedback I got at my mid-year. However? The committees I served on were hospital-wide and therefore had no impact on her workload. So, yeah. I knew I wouldn't get the highest rating, so I decided my goal for my evaluation was to make her cry.

Well, sort of. I mean, I decided I was going to be 100% honest about her performance as my boss. What did I have to lose? And if she cried, well, I'd probably take some perverse pleasure in that.

So we met today, and I got my evaluation, and I was as harsh as I could be towards her while still remaining professional.

And she didn't cry!!!

This is like shooting fish in a barrell! I failed!!!

Maybe I'm not as mean as I thought I was. This is a crushing realization.