Thursday, June 12, 2008

Drama Freaks

The big MS Drama Freak Lovefest going on at Facebook is trippy and weird and brings back all kinds of complicated high school feelings, but at the same time, is really a lot of fun. Because I hated my actual graduating class in high school, for the most part, this is most likely the closest I'm ever going to come to a reunion. I feel like we're going back to school after a reeeeally long summer break. The faces are the same, with the addition of spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends/kids, but everyone has become someone else. I mean, sort of. We're all adults now.

And the weird thing is, in spite of all being adults, I know that a lot of us, if not most of us, are thinking the same things we thought in high school. Does she like me? Am I cooler than him? If I do that, will they think I'm lame? And it's sort of frustrating, because I'd like to think people outgrow those feelings. I think we do, for the most part, because I don't feel this way in my everyday life. I don't go to work and worry if the nurses like me (...which is a good thing, heh).

The only other thing in the world that brings out the same feelings for me is getting ready to be a parent. Part of me can't believe how sensitive I am, and how easily I feel judged by snide comments, rolled eyes, or judgemental responses in general. Another part of me can't believe how many people feel compelled to act that way. I mean, I have definitely overreacted to people, no doubt about it. I blame the hormones, because I like to think I'm not usually THAT sensitive. But it's not just me, and it's not just the hormones, some people really are just snotty. I'm trying to tell myself that it's more about them than me- their insecurities and sometimes their jealousy- and that usually works in other areas of my life, but here, it's just not working. I guess because I know some of it is just inadvertent, and I'm also sure that, at some point, without meaning to, I did the same thing to someone else. So then I feel bad about that, too. There's just something about the topic that makes us all really sensitive and really opinionated, all at the same time.

I also hate that it makes me feel this way, because it makes me feel like a drama freak. Like I need constant validation and can't handle any kind of criticism at all and just generally like the most sensitive person on the planet, which I hate.

I don't really have any grand conclusion about it, I'm just thinking about it today.

1 comment:

Donna said...

How are there so many self-centered people who don't even notice/care that they are big a**holes? You already knew they existed but for some reason pregnancy and parenthood brings them out in droves. The saddest part is that they have kids too! And why they're not banished to live live on an island with other awful people like themselves I'll never know!