Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Wisdom of Donna

Donna put in her blog recently that when you have kids, the years go by fast, but the days can be so slow. I mentioned that to Stephen and he said, "Really? I feel like all the days go by fast. It seems like it's always night and time to NOT go to sleep."

True that.

But I think a lot of it is having milestones whiz by. I mean, normally, a year will go by quickly, but when you have things actually happening, it makes it go by so much faster. Like, you can't tell how fast you're going in a plane because you're way up in the air, but when you come in for a landing and see everything go by, you realize you're really moving?

I can't believe Gracie is here. When I was pregnant, I thought I would be pregnant forever. I remember going to Baby Center and looking at "your baby this week" and seeing all the weird embryo pictures and feeling like my baby would NEVER look like a baby. I remember going for early ultrasounds and there was just nothing to see except the little flickering heartbeat. Then her arms and legs started moving, and eventually she looked like a little person. I felt like I would be on monthly appointments forever, and then I was going every two weeks, and then every week, and then she was here. And it feels like a week ago that I looked at the pee stick and saw the shadow of a second pink line and could not believe it was happening at all.

I really hated being pregnant. It was uncomfortable and I didn't feel good and all the hormones made me SO crabby. I knew I would miss a few things- I really, really loved my bump. I loved when she would move around, especially when she would stick her feet out and make right angles on my stomach. So I knew I would miss those things,and wow, I really do. I didn't expect to miss the anticipation. I miss the feeling that something really big was just around the corner. Which is ridiculous, because now that she's here, there's ALWAYS someting big right around the corner. Somehow it's not the same, though. It's a lot like I felt right after the wedding- I hated wedding planning so much, but when it was over, I was sad because I'd never have that pre-wedding anticipation ever again. Now I'll never have that pre-mommy anticipation again, and even though now I get to be mommy and I shouldn't think about it that way, I get sad sometimes. If we do have more kids (the jury is still out, as our little treasure sits next to me in a comatose-like sleep, after being awake ALL NIGHT LONG), there will be nine months of anticipation again, but it won't be the same. Everything changed when she came, before we And now we're mom and dad. And that is amazing and overwhelming and we are so, so, so, SO lucky and happy, and it's not that I miss just being us, exactly. I miss getting ready to be mom and dad.

This is all really ridiculous and I should delete this whole post instead of hitting publish, but I'm feeling like showing the world just how hormonal I really am, I guess.


Donna said...

1. You cannot delete a post with such an extremely awesome title!
2. You have beautifully summed up what I probably could never have articulated, but feel as well. And I am in this time warp where I am So SAD and nostalgic with Liam growing up SO FAST, and I will have to look forward to what you write about that in a few years, so I can better understand how I feel. :o)

Heather said...

I feel EXACTLY the sameway!