Friday, January 23, 2009
But I bet Jesus wasn't colicky.
The church where I was depaganized was really big on this icon. The story is, Jesus was scared by the mean angels in the upper corner, so he went running to his mother. You're supposed to see that he was really scared because his shoe is hanging off his foot, he ran to her so fast. The idea is that if Jesus can turn to Mary, then surely we can, too. I always really liked that story.
I don't really believe in the church doctrine the way we're supposed to, not in the literal sense. But there's no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole, so I've spent a LOT of time talking to Mary lately. Asking for patience, asking to be a better mom, and mostly asking for sleep. Sweet, precious sleep. My prayers haven't been answered yet- but, like another one of my friends said after her first daughter was born, it's been so long since I believed in God, He's unlikely to answer my prayers at this point anyway. It's a little less lonely, though, to imagine this woman, who was the ultimate mother (I mean, seriously, even if Jesus wasn't the Messiah, he was an awfully nice person, so clearly she did SOMETHING well, right?), sitting and listening to me, and even though Jesus probably wasn't colicky (wild guess), I feel like she's not secretly thinking I'm overreacting, or Grace is just responding to my tension, or I shouldn't have run so much when I was pregnant.