Tuesday, March 31, 2009

1.21 Jigawatts!!!

Good Lord.

Gracie woke up every two hours, all night long last night. Every time she started hollering, I looked at the clock in disbelief. SURELY my baby was not sleeping THAT badly! Admittedly, every other December baby has slept a longer stretch than she has, but it's rare for her to wake more than twice a night anymore. She hasn't done every two hours since February.

I think I accidentally time-travelled back to that stage (and it would HAVE to be an accident because oh my god you could not pay me to do that voluntarily). That would explain it. Now I just need to figure out when lightning is going to strike so I can harness the necessary energy to return to semi-acceptable sleeping habits.

Or steal some plutonium from the Libyans.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Hairy Eyeball

Gracie was sooo not into sleeping friday night. I am not sure what got into her, but she was up and down all night. I am also not sure what got into me, because I kept putting her diapers on wrong and ending up with a crib full of pee. Perhaps the two are linked? I am a genius. ANYWAY- at 6am, I finally gave up. I was exhausted, she was wide awake, I brought her in our bed.

I reeeally dont' want to start a co-sleeping habit. She has enough sleep problems and bad habits, I don't want one more. If it worked, though? I'd do it every night. I looove having her in our bed, especially now that I'm back at work. It's so snuggly and warm and lovey. When she's not screaming, that is, and that's pretty rare because G-Funk haaates our bed. Saturday morning, though, I got her to nurse to sleep (woohoo, TWO bad habits!) and let me sleep a bit longer. Less than an hour later, I heard her moving around and opened my eyes. Child was wide awake, STARING me in the face. I know I should think it was sweet, but trust me, small baby, watching you sleep? CREEPY!

Also, I had put her diaper on all sideways and she'd peed all over me, so I woke up covered in baby pee. This was the universe telling me I'm not cut out for co-sleeping, I'm pretty sure.

Friday, March 27, 2009

One Year Ago Today



It's funny how I never expected anything other than a positive result, and was totally stunned at the same time. I remember bursting out laughing three hours later, for no reason at all except that I couldn't believe it was actually happening. I waited for so long, thought so many times it wasn't going to happen, that the time would never be right. Then it all happened so fast.

A year later, after all the nausea, sciatica, and breathlesness, followed up by colic, reflux, and sleeplessness, I still sometimes think to myself, I have absolutely no right to be this lucky.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

First Shower x2

Gracie had her first shower and went to her first shower today.

She refused to go down for a nap this morning, so I took her running with me. Since I'd spent so much time wrestling with her, I was really running late, so I took my stinky little reflux-covered baby in the shower with me. She was in HEAVEN. She kept leaning back into the spray and doing the same fast-gaspy thing she does in the wind, it was seriously adorable.

Then she came along to Rachel's awesome bridal shower, all dressed up (she even wore shoes! and didn't scream about it! ohhh, they are cute shoes) for the occasion. She mostly did very, very well. She got tired and frustrated at the end and I had to take her outside so she wouldn't ruin present-opening, but for the first two and a half hours, she really hung in there. I was so proud of her, especially since she had boycotted both morning naps.

Two totally unrelated points:

-her sleep has been ATROCIOUS this week. When we were getting ready for bed, I leaned over her and said, "You're never gonna sleep again, are you?", at which point she erupted into the biggest giggles I've heard to date. Not even kidding.

-we watched Friday Night Lights tonight (god bless you, tivo). Watching Coach and Principal Taylor try to deal with their teenage daughter after walking in on her in bed with her boyfriend? And watching their daughter's (totally realistic) bitchy response to them? Made me lean over G-Funk and make her SWEAR to go straight from 11 to 23 years old. It's only fair! ALL formerly colicky babies should just automatically skip adolescence. Those are the rules. Set up by me. Just now.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I knew it!

So this study has confirmed what I thought for awhile- the tendency to have boys and girls may run in families.

Since girls are very rarely born in Stephen's family, this confirms what I already knew- we hit the jackpot.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Who Needs Sleep?

I DO.

I remember Rachel telling me once that I loved sleep more than anyone she had ever met. That was a really long time ago, looong before I had a child who apparently runs on breastmilk and dirty diapers and has NO NEED for sleep, bah humbug, screw the sandman, time to par-tay.

Sleep is...sleep is love. Sleep is the greatest gift God gave to humanity. Soft beds, cool air, warm and heavy blankets...ahhh...bliss. Or, at least I think so? I'm not really sure, because my three-month-old has decided that sleeping longer than 45 minutes at a time overnight is HIGHLY overrated.

This is partly my fault, I know it is. She slept until 1:30 last night and then was up every 45 minutes. I fed her at 1:30 and 5:30, but otherwise just went in and gave her the paci and re-swaddled her. Really? I should've just left her crying.

I am weak. I couldn't do it. Not this week, when she and I were separated for 36 whole hours*. She didn't know why I was gone. I was just...gone. (Um. She was having LOTS of fun with her daddy and probably hardly noticed, but in my mind, she spent the whole day wondering where the milk maid went.) Now, it's the middle of the night and she wants me, nay, NEEDS ME, and I am going to stay in my bed while she HOWLS for me? Riiiight. Maybe you're made of steel, but ever since she was born, I am made of cotton candy, and so I stood over her crib all freaking night, giving her the paci and shushing her back to sleep.

So, yeah. I have only myself to blame for this new pattern. And unlike the last time she was sleeping in 45 minute stretches, she actually likes the world now. She smiles and sits on our laps and plays and coos and gurgles and is generally lots and lots of fun. I wouldn't call her EASY, by any stretch, but she is definitely lots of fun. So, you know, there's that. And I'll take fun and sleepless over constantly screaming and sleeping at night. I guess.

*How did the return to work go? The tears, oh GOD the tears. The hitching, snotty, endless sobs. Gracie, on the other hand, did fine, except for deciding to never, EVER sleep again. Also, it turns out three months is precisely how long it takes to TOTALLY FORGET how to do your job and turn into a bumbling idiot who can't remember the most basic tasks. Luckily I have no attention span and spend half my day staring at pictures of my baby and wishing I could be with her. It turns out squeezing an 8 lb baby out of your body is quite easy. Leaving said baby three months later is some seriously hard shit.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Those who forget history...

So what do the new owners of the SEARS TOWER have to say about renaming it?

"'Old habits die hard but we feel that ultimately people will come to embrace the Willis name,' Thoretz said."


Okay buddy. Ask macy's how that went for them.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I'm not saying I WOULD eat her...

I'm just saying I'd LIKE to. Can you blame me?!



Happy three month birthday, Gracie Bear. The fact that I am ditching you three days a week for a whole twelve hours does not mean I don't love you, it just means I don't want to have to eat cat food and move to a tent city.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Whine It Out

It's not the same as cry it out. Well, it is in one respect- it still rips my heart out of my chest and drop-kicks it against the wall.

I had a lot to say about it, I thought, but that's really it. It sucks and I hate it but sometimes it is the only way this baby will sleep.

Between that and going back to work monday (MONDAY), I may have to be institutionalized before mid-March.

I never used to be this soft. I'm like a kitten's belly.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

In less than one week

I have to go back to work. Three 12-hour shifts a week, away from my baby.

Tell me not to panic. I am TOTALLY panicking.

Monday, March 2, 2009

5am: Stream of Consciousness

Hee. Mohawk.

Stephen is right, she should totally go as Mr. T on Halloween if she still has it.

What was up with the Mr. T saturday morning cartoon? Why did he hang out with those kids, and why were they all gymnasts? Who decided that was a good plot device?

Why were there so many cartoon versions of live-action shows? Let's see, there was Mr. T (though that was not EXACTLY the same, since it wasn't the A-team), Punky Brewster, Alf (it really made more sense for that to be a cartoon than a live-action show...why did my dad like that show so much? what a dork.)...

It totally sucks that saturday morning cartoons aren't a big deal anymore. I would totally let Grace eat breakfast in front of the tv if they still had good cartoons. Ok, no, I probably wouldn't, but still.

No, maybe I would. It wasn't ALL mindless. They had One to Grow On! I want the ball...

DAMN Grace, are you STILL eating? Sheeeeeesh.