Saturday, August 28, 2010

well, now that it's out there...

(I mean, not that anyone who actually reads here was surprised to hear about Segundo;)

I remember learning in nursing school that women forget how much labor hurts. That later, they say, "Ohhh, it wasn't so bad!" That is NOT MY EXPERIENCE. I mean, I can't tell you exactly how it felt, but I can tell you I was in agony. Admittedly, I am a big, giant wuss, but my POINT is, I haven't forgotten how awful it was. The strange thing, that I knew was strange, even when it was happening, was how quickly I forgot the suckitude of pregnancy.

I, um, did not like being pregnant. And within seconds of G's birth, I forgot all of it. The nausea, insomnia, back pain, restless legs, fatigue, constant sinus headaches...poof. Gone.

Part of that was our newborn experience. Look, I know nobody's newborn is easy. I also know I am really vocal and dramatic and so there's no way anybody really believes it was that bad. People just giggle and think, ohhh, KATHY. There you go again! Or roll their eyes. I get it. I really do. But just trust me on this: HELL. It was hell. It was beyond anything I could have imagined. Dante was like, "Whoa, dude. That's some messed-up shit." So really, even though I did not enjoy being pregnant, ohhh, it was SO much easier than attempting to console the inconsolable.

But more than that? I really, genuinely forgot. Months went by before I thought, oh crap, that's right, I had that weird thing with my legs where it felt like I had little electric shocks running through them anytime I sat still for more than a millisecond. Huh. Weird that I would forget that.

And then I got pregnant again. Ho-lee cow. I forgot! I forgot the mind-bending nausea, the gagging over the taste of tap water, the heavy-lidded exhaustion. The bloat. But? It's really weird. It's harder this time- I don't get to spend all my non-work time curled up in a ball, watching tv. I never, ever get to sleep until my body decides to wake up. Y'know, I have responsibilities beyond my own selfish self. But in some weird way, it almost makes it easier. Like, ok, yeah, I feel like crap. But I have bigger things to worry about now. NOT that it's stopped me from whining incessantly, as anyone reading this already knows. I do have to say though, objectively, there's something about already being a mom that makes this more tolerable.

Also, now that we've passed the twelve week mark, I'm actually starting to believe we might get an actual baby out of this deal. Yippee!!!

1 comment:

Donna said...

Yippee! I'm so excited for you. And even though it gets worse and better and worse and better (for the rest of our lives, I imagine) it is the best and will be the best for Gracie to have a sibling. (IMO) Also Eric and I were talking about it again recently and March is definitely the best month to have a baby. So yay! But man the pregnancy downsides are soooooo bad and I completely feel for you and hope there will be times when you can totally get pampered because you deserve and need that. Also, I think in our generation of so much being easy, like easy credit and power widows and the Internet and peapod and the list goes on and on, well I think being a parent is one thing that doesn't get easier but reminds you that there are things more important than yourself and dammit you just need to sacrifice. And then we can think back to all the extra sacrifices previous generations made and realize we certainly have it easier than they do. That's what I've been thinking about a lot anyway. So vent all you want to me (God knows I'm going to reciprocate!)