Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Myths, Damn Myths, and Statistics

"Breastfeeding will make you sooooooooo skinny. You can eat a whole pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and you'll still disappear when you turn sideways. It's like MAGIC."

Reality:

I guess that's true for some people? But for me, it's a preview of menopause. I count every calorie and run like an escaped convict and still, I cannot lose an ounce. The same thing happened after Grace was born, but it was no big deal, because I was only up five pounds or so, and your body is so different after you have babies, I couldn't even REALLY tell. This time, I am somewhere between ten and fifteen pounds up. None of my clothes fit. I look awful. I am completely frustrated and pissed off and I swear to God, if one more person tries to perpetuate that myth about breastfeeding making a person skinny while in my presence, I will stab them in the eye with a string bean and spritz some nice lemon in it for good measure.

(also, memo to my children: I'm sure you think it's hysterical how you timed it so that one of you took an hour to fall asleep at naptime, during which time the other was out cold on my chest, waking just seconds after big sister fell asleep, but it is actually not remotely funny or charming and I would REALLY PREFER YOU NOT REPEAT THIS CRAP THANK YOU AND YOU'RE BOTH GROUNDED.)

1 comment:

Donna said...

1. I forgot to tell you but when we met up in the PR park I saw you from afar and thought, "Damn, all these PR women who are so skinny and beautiful and probably spend all day at the gym and the salon while the nanny watc- Oh! That's Kathy!" :o)
2. The second kid was by FAR the hardest one for me. #1 and #3, much easier. Why is that? Oh yes, you can never ever sit down. As far as mental health, well that's a different story entirely.
3. L,B & A want to hang out with G & K again soon!