Saturday, December 31, 2011

Amateur Night

I have not really liked New Year's Eve for awhile now.  In fact, I got so sick of scrambling to find a party that I stopped celebrating before I even met Stephen.  It was the year I turned thirty, and I was working really  hard to be happy just being SINGLE and just ENJOY MY LIFE.  As part of that?  I was not going to spend $100 to go to a bar and drink watery beer and stand around wishing I had a place to sit or put my jacket.  So I stayed in that night, made pizza, ate half a gallon of ice cream, watched a marathon about illegal drugs on the History channel, and went to bed early.

It.  Was.  AWESOME.  You do not even know.  (unless you've also done it, in which case, wasn't it AWESOME????)

So, even though I have plenty of things on my list of Stuff I Miss Since I Had Kids, New Year's Eve is soooo not one of them.

Instead, I go out to dinner with another cop's wife and all our kids (and this year, the husbands were able to join us!), come home, put on my pajamas, and sit on the couch with the tv and the internet and an early bedtime.  I could joke about my glamorous lifestyle, but I also secretly know that it's a damn good way to spend an evening.

So long, 2011.  You were a real asshole to a lot of people, but you were pretty good to me.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Geriatric Baby

Look at this gorgeous girl.

Guess what?  SHE NEVER SLEEPS OMFG.  She USED to sleep, she was even sleeping through the night!  Routinely!  Her naps sucked eggs, and that is annoying, to be sure, but nothing new.  I have PRACTICE with this, I know what to do!  And then she got the Virus That Ate Cleveland, and as soon as she lost the boogery coating on her nose (sorry, gross, I know, but it was really impressive), she finally, finally, finally started to get her two bottom teeth.  And so she wakes up before 5am every day and barely naps at all and anyway, even if she DID take good naps, it's been so dang busy around here I couldn't take advantage of it anyway.  Today she woke up from her afternoon nap after just an hour (after waking at 4:45 and taking a twenty minute morning nap).  I knew she needed to sleep, but I couldn't nap with her on the couch today because we had Christmas celebrations to attend, so I sat with her in the glider while she napped with her favorite pacifier (moi).  I passed out cold sitting upright in the glider with my mouth hanging open.  It was really hott.  Anyway.  No sleep.

But teeth!  FINALLY!  Way to go, baby.

There was also the matter of Baby's First Christmas, which was as impressive to her as it ever is to any baby.  Her sister had fun, though, and I had fun dressing them in matching pajamas and feeding them too much candy.

We only have two months left with a Baby, before she becomes a Toddler.  And I could go on and on about "ZOMG WHERE DOES THE TIME GO", but I think that all goes without saying.  On the plus side: only two more months of pumping!  Because seriously, sooo sick of feeling like a dairy cow.  On the minus side: weaning is going to be a seeeerious bitch.  I had a hard enough time the last time I weaned a baby (seriously, wtf, , why does nobody talk about weaning hormones?  holy suck, they are HORRIBLE and nobody warns you!  at all!  so you feel like you're probably going crazy but you're totally not it's just the world's biggest SECRET that they let you find out all on your own!), but this baby?  I cannot possibly explain to you clearly enough how much she loves the bewbs.  And before you even tell me I don't have to wean at a year, I do know that people don't have to wean at a year.  However, *I* have to wean at a year.  So.  It is going to be difficult and sucky and within a five minute span, I rapidly cycle between being TOTALLY THRILLED to have my body entirely to myself a little bit and TOTALLY ANXIOUS about how much the whole process is going to suck eggs.

Friday, December 23, 2011

This had fail written all over it.

Sometimes, I do things because I think I want to, even though, if I really thought about it, I would know that I actually did not.  Some other times, I do things that I KNOW I do not want to do, but I feel obligated to do because I'm worried I'll regret it if I do NOT.

Going to the mall to see Santa less than a week before Christmas with a three year old and a baby?  That would be the latter.  Especially after last year, which I apparently didn't blog about!  When I risked a car nap to drive to the mall, only to find a totally creepy, silent Santa, and a douchebag photographer who was so busy talking to his friend, he never took ANY picture at ALL.  (I ended up getting the Gabs an egg roll and apple juice for lunch in the food court, so she was just fine with the way things turned out, but me, not so much). 

So yeah, this year I was not so excited.  Gracie is old enough to understand Santa, though, and I just felt like I would regret it if I didn't have that picture so FINE, I'll go I'll go I'll go.  Maureen told me there was a really great-looking Santa with no wait at this mall, so FINE. 

The thing is, that mall has the worst, most obnoxious, stupidly engineered parking lot EVER.  So when I pulled in and could barely even make it to a parking spot, I was nervous.  When I finally parked and saw the hordes of people walking in to the mall, I started sending out whiny texts about how much it was going to suck.  When I had to strap Katie to my chest and push Gracie the length of the mall in a crappy umbrella stroller, I was DONE. 

So.  I mean.  SOMETIMES I'm wrong.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

grown-up birthdays

Inititally I used the word adult in the title here, but that made it sound way too p0rn-y, so I changed it.  Anyway.

Stephen and I were talking yesterday, about how birthdays when you're a grown-up don't have that same "special day" feeling they do when you're younger, and how much that stinks.  All day yesterday, I kept forgetting it was even my birthday at all.

It was, however, all worth it when Stephen stuck a candle in a cupcake and he and Gracie sang happy birthday to me.  Gracie isn't big on singing happy birthday to other people, and kind of tends to lose her mind when it happens, so it was really cool to have her sing to me.  Also?  She pronounces it birpday.  Which, if you're me, means she's singing Happy Burp-day to you, which is pretty freaking awesome.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I know this is where I'm supposed to weep and gnash my teeth and ask where the last three years have gone.

But...sorry.  Three seems totally, totally right.

She looks like a three-year-old, right?  And she really acts like one, which is awesome and infuriating and hilarious and have I mentioned potty training lately?  Yeah, well, let's just keep not mentioning that business. 

Not to beat a dead horse here, but I'm pretty sure she's the world's awesomest big sister.

 She loves to match colors (and has to announce it to you- "See?  It's a match!")  She walks up the stairs one at a time, instead of putting both feet on each step at the same time.  She is starting to fight me on napping (we are not even going to discuss this right now.  Carry on nothing to see here lalaLALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU.)  She is not the eater she used to be, but as three year olds go, she's a freaking gourmand.  At the very least, I have no worries about her developing scurvy, which puts her ahead of most of her peers.

And, like I said, I feel like I'm supposed to be shocked that she's old enough to operate a remote control car (and serve as a human tunnel for it to drive through), but, I don't know.  It seems exactly right.


 This song was on an LL Bean commercial that seemed to be running on continuous loop the whole month of December 2008.  I think it must have played a lot in the evenings, when she was screaming a lot and I *swear* I was doing some kind of freaky post-partum sundowning (well, except substitute anxiety/borderline panic for confusion), because after awhile, that commercial would come on and I would instantly taste bile.  After awhile though, it started to remind me of the (admittedly rare) good moments in those early days.  And after that, it just reminded me of becoming a mom.  I listened to it a lot after Katie was born, too, which kind of cemented the association.  And I try not to listen to it too often (in spite of being a really awesome sun about the suckitude of winter), because I don't ever want that association to wear off.  Because now it makes me happy, in a weird way.  I didn't think I would ever want to dwell on those early days, and I didn't think I would ever want to have any kind of detailed memories.  But now that I really DON'T?  Now that it's all fuzzy and distant?  All I remember is that one day I wasn't a mom, and then the next day I was, and I got this awesome little girl as part of the deal.