Friday, August 17, 2012

And also we are moving.

Because really, what else is going on in our lives?

Seriously, yes, it is always a stress to move, but this is so, so, so good.  We NEED to move.  This neighborhood is just...not working.  It's just not what I thought it was (I can't necessarily speak for Stephen, but I know he's been dying to get out of here even longer than I have.)  We are going to be in a much more residential neighborhood, closer to our families, better schools, our church, etc.  This is a GOOD thing.

...but if wouldn't be me if I weren't overthinking the bejesus out of it, and being hormotional on top of it isn't helping (because although this pregnancy feels shockingly similar to Gracie, I am shocked- SHOCKED- by how maudlin and weepy I have been.  And as someone who is maudlin and weepy at baseline?  It's just ugly.)  I know I've covered this before.  And I'm not sure I can explain it any more clearly than I already have.  Except maybe that it's not about the house, even.  I mean, it IS- like I said, this is where we became parents, and that's no small thing.  But before we ever knew Gracie was coming, before we were married or even lived together, Stephen lived in an apartment around the corner.  And we used to drive around the neighborhood and point out all of the Victorians with big porches where we imagined we might live one day.  It was the perfect neighborhood, halfway between work and family, still close to the fun, young neighborhood where I lived and Stephen would eventually move.  I didn't just think we would live here, I thought we would make a life here.

And SERIOUSLY- let me just say again that this is all silliness, because this move is SUCH a good thing and SO necessary, and such a massive relief and will eliminate so much stress and frustration and bring us so much happiness.  When I try to put my finger on it, I don't think I'm sad as much as wistful.  Because, sorry, but I have to quote Liz Lemon for just one second, I swear (I'm already being completely smurfy so WHY NOT), when she and her boyfriend decide to have a baby together and she says to herself, "Life is finally happening!!"  This neighborhood was where life was finally going to happen.  And now life IS happening and I could not be happier (well, I would like to sleep a bit more.)  So even though the neighbors sucked and the garage got tagged and the mice made themselves comfy here, and even though this is not where our lives will still be, this is one of the places where our lives started*, which is worth remembering.  (also: YIPPEEE!!!!  we're moving!!)  (* the other place is the condo where we lived before G was born, but I don't even NEED to celebrate that place because it was awesome and celebrates itself and we only moved because it was too small.)

not visible in picture: 42 metric tons of plastic, board books, and dog hair.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Hello There, I am still alive.

Which the vast majority of you know, but for the scattered handful that did not: Hi.  I'm still alive.

It's been a crazy few months.  Gracie had her overnight EEG, we learned a few things, we increased her meds. 

You can tell this was a far less traumatic experience than her first EEG, since her "pretty blankie" (heavy quotes) is wrapped around her head not to look like a turban, and not by accident (as I really suspected), but because she was pretending to give herself sticky wires.  So, yay?  She has to have another EEG in a month, so hopefully we are on the path to this just being like a visit to her much-adored pediatrician.  I know some people find it so sad when their kids find things like this to be routine, and I have to say I do not get that.  Maybe because Gracie didn't just fight us, she kicked and screamed and bit and looked wildly around the room for an escape, and why the HELL would I want that to continue?  Why WOULDN'T I want this to be routine? 

So anyway.  Since then, she's had one small staring spell, but has not had a grand mal seizure for six weeks and THAT is something, right there.  I still snap my head around anytime she sighs heavily, gorans, or, you know, makes any kind of odd noise, but fortunately, I'm not greeted with blue lips and clenched fists lately.  So to say things are much, much better is the understatement of the century.

So why haven't I been blogging?  True story: you know how sometimes when you're pregnant (if you've been pregnant), you find yourself intensely repulsed by peanut butter, or ketchup, or strawberries?  About six weeks ago, I found myself utterly incapable of even opening this page.  Looking at the link in my drop-down menu made me dry-heave. 

That's right: the caboose is on the way.  And has brought with him/her THE worst morning (HA bullshit misnomer) sickness of any of my pregnancies.  And in addition to near-constant gagging, an inability to drink plain water or even THINK about touching food that isn't an eggo waffle or Progresso 99% fat-free minestrone, apparently this baby has a blog aversion. Who knew.  But now that I am only sick in the evenings, and am once again able to handle food products, I am also finding myself able to blog again.  Which is good because I would really kick myself if I didn't document any of this.  IT'S JUST BEEN SO FUN.