Monday, October 29, 2012

Yes, well, someone should find it funny.

So Katie is the worst sleeper in the history of mankind.

No, really.  She is.  Weissbluth, Ferber, Karp, your next door neighbor's shaman- she is resistant to ALL of their sleep training methods.  She'll fool us, and sleep like a normal human for, like, a week.  I mean, a human who doesn't get very much sleep for their age, but she'll do it.  And just as we start to exhale and think, FINALLY, she has decided to join the human race- BAM! Waking every day at 4am!  Screaming all night long!  Then all day because the stubborn little turd is exhausted! 

But the bullcrap she pulled this weekend really takes the cake.  Waking from 12:30-2:30 friday and saturday, and only going back to sleep when I spent half the goddamn night sleeping on the floor next to her crib.  Which is all kinds of awesome at six months pregnant, let me tell you. Stephen tried rocking her and got her to sleep but she started screaming like a banshee in the Irish highlands the minute he dared to put her down.  So last night, when she started screaming at 12:30?  Oh, it is ON. IT.  IS.  ON.  So I reattempted Ferberizing her.

And that was as successful as one would imagine.

So Stephen took his pillow in her room and made his own attempt.  But by then she was pissed off and overtired and amped up and stayed awake, all told, from 12-4am.  At which point I took her downstairs, gave her motrin (maybe her teeth hurt? I don't know.  I just know this crap has to STOP.  Like, NOW.) and she finally passed out and fell asleep.

So naturally, it was not her older sister (who is my favorite because she's not a sociopath hell-bent on my destruction) who woke up as I was walking out the door at 6:20 to leave for work.  Oh no.  She was sleeping like a totally normal human.  The toddler who only slept maybe four hours last night?  SHE was awake.  And this is the picture I got two minutes later on my phone.

Proof: for all the dumbassese out there saying, "ohhh, she's just a BABY, she's not doing it on PURPOSE."  CLEARLY YOU ARE STUPID SUCKERS.  KNOW THE ERROR OF YOUR BELIEFS.


Megan Elise said...

Oh my goodness we've only been going through this crazy overtiredness refusing to sleep stuff for about 10 days and I'm about to lose my mind. I try to deliriously decided to just leave her in there thinking obviously since she is tired she will go back to sleep. So, not working. I'm praying this is teething, a cold, a stage, or something that passes because I honestly don't know how you keep your sanity.

Heather said...

Oh no Kathy. I don't know HOW you do it.

Donna said...

I sooooo feel your pain, and I feel terrible to admit this, but I also find this the most hilarious post ever! I mean I am sorry about how bad the sleeplessness is, but you are so damn funny! You should be getting PAID for these posts. Enough to get a night nanny while you get a big warm bed in another wing of the house.