Thursday, November 29, 2012


About a month ago now, the girls and I went to their cousin's birthday party at an art/play space.  It was right in the middle of nap time, so both girls fell asleep on the way there, but Gracie woke up in good spirits, excited to paint and play.  She was a little sleepy/out of it, but happy.  The kids started by painting picture frames, and then they were organized for a group picture.  G was quiet but content, got in line, and was paying VERY close attention, trying to do everything absolutely right, sit exactly where she was told, and listen for more instructions.  So when they told the kids to say cheese, she immediately complied.  And only half of her face moved.  The other half was virtually frozen.  This is not *exactly* new- her facial weakness never went away, it's definitely worse when she's tired, and, as her neurologist pointed out, best when she's expressing genuine emotion.  It's never good right when she wakes up.  So it shouldn't have shocked me.  But seeing her, so intent on being part of the group, and seeing how very, very obvious the facial weakness was, felt like being slapped.  With a brick.  I pretended to busy myself with Katie, who was not in the picture, and very helpfully feeling quite fussy after her own premature awakening (HA.  as if she normally cares.), and it was a good excuse to walk away and talk big gulping breaths and stop crying already, SERIOUSLY.  I have no idea if Gracie noticed or not.  She will one day, and so will other kids around her, and that's all I have to say about that.

While I was driving home, I realized that the pictures they took at school, which I'd been so, so excited to finally see, might not be something I wanted to see after all.  I mean, it's highly unlikely that a photographer she's never met before is going to elicit a genuine smile.  So I waited on pins and needles, bracing myself for the worst, telling myself it was okay, we have plenty of pictures of big, genuine smiles, and it's just one silly school picture.

When I was unloading her bag after school today, I saw the envelope with the pictures.  I actually held my breath as I slid them out of the envelope.

And I haven't stopped staring at it since.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

28 weeks, blah blah blah

please God, let this baby weigh close to nine pounds....

as compared to Gracie:
and Katie:

Goodness gracious.

How does this compare otherwise to the other two?  I am not entirely sure because I am too distracted by the fact that SERIOUSLY, Katie has been possessed by a rapidly-cycling bipolar hyena and it is taking all my energy to try to figure out how the hell to make her stop screaming every hour in response to various offenses, such as: being given milk, having milk taken away, having her pancakes cut up, having her pancakes left whole, being given a blanket, having said blanket taken away, the wind, the barometric pressure....what have you.  And then all of a sudden, she'll be like this, which is also the only way she ever is when she's around other people, so everyone thinks I'm just being crabby:

(which, for the record, I am SO CRABBY, but also she is like a rapidly-cycling bipolar hyena.)  Also, I have a damn cold, which, actually, as far as me and colds during pregnancy go, it is pretty awesome that I made it this far before I fell victim to the evil rhinovirus, but it is still no fun to be 28 weeks pregnant with your third child and sneezing all the time.  I AM JUST SAYING.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


Since we turned the clocks back, Katie woke up at 4:15 and G was up at 5:30.  Don't worry, this is not going to be yet another post about sleeping.  Rather, I am explaining why, in spite of the fact that I am in possession of functioning eyes and ears, I'm still allowing my children to watch Barney.

Because, seriously.

Although, I stand by a previous statement made (not here, but still) that this show is less annoying than the Fresh Beat Band.  I will not be swayed on this topic.


I'm really, really, REALLY tired, and irritable, and dreading the thought of making it all the way to bedtime on a day that started at 4:15, so my kids are watching Barney.  And I think it's a perfectly valid choice.  We were actually watching something else, when the PBS Kids preview window popped up with a picture of Barney and Katie LOST HER MIND.  Which is really weird because we never, ever watch this show.  G watched it all the time, but we've kept K away from it.  THEY JUST KNOW.  He hypnotizes them.  Anyway, G was on board with Barney and it meant I got to sit on the couch and stare into space and drool a little bit, so, you know, win-win.  The weird part was that it just happened to be a rerun of the episode that we kept on the Tivo for something like fifty years when Gracie was Katie's age, because she loved the songs in this one so much.  And it didn't just bring back memories, it brought really, really strong feelings.  It's, like, the television version of Proust's madeleine.  Gracie fell in love with Barney right around the time that I decided maybe- mayyyybe- I did not suck at the whole motherhood thing.  Which is kind of funny, since letting your little kid watch not just tv, but BARNEY, often enough that they have a favorite episode, is kind of an epic fail.  The irony isn't lost on me.  Whatever.  My POINT is that I was already feeling exhausted and impatient and not super awesome at this gig, and seeing Barney and Riff sing about ducks was a good reminder that there was a time when I was even WORSE at this!

Wait, that's not really my point either.  Look.  I don't think I HAVE a point.  I'm really tired, okay?  I saw an old episode of Barney and it brought back lots of old, intense memories.  Try not to be jealous that I wrote this and not you.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The answer is Motrin. Mostly.

A few nights ago, utterly broken by fatigue, it occurred to me to dose Katie with Motrin before bed in an attempt to not die of exhaustion.  Also because it got cold really fast here so I can't make her sleep in the car.

It worked!  It actually worked!  She slept thru the night and woke at a normal hour.  And the other two nights since then, too!  She's had a bit of a runny nose and I think I finally (FINALLY) see her lower lateral incisors coming in, so she has plenty of reasons to not be sleeping well.  And she has a fully erupted molar on the right that was probably bugging her as it shimmied its way toward daylight.  We never knew when Gracie was teething until we saw new teeth in her mouth, so I tend to forget about teething, which I think probably bothers Katie a lot more.  The only problem is when to stop giving the motrin, because, seriously?  I am not sure I can give up sleeping thru the night and sleeping until the hedonistic hour of 6:30 this often.  So I gave her some tonight, because she did still kind of have a runny nose and also because her gums look thin, but no teeth in front.  So hopefully she'll sleep well.

....if she ever falls asleep.  Because it is now nearly 9pm and she is sitting up in bed, singing songs to herself.  And a few minutes ago, was standing up, waving her hands over the edge like she was casting a spell.

SERIOUSLY??????????  *I* want to go to bed!!  *I'm* tired!  And I napped during her nap today, which means that it is official and my toddler needs less sleep than I do.