Thursday, June 21, 2012

Oh my god, kid, SERIOUSLY?

Gracie got a hair cut today.  She's actually usually done well with it, but lately she's been so obsessed with long hair, I was a little nervous about how it would go.  I spent a lot of time telling her that we had to cut it so it would grow faster (which is not a lie!), and she actually did okay.  She was CRAZY hyper and they had a really hard time sitting still, but we got it done.  Afterwards, she got to pick out a toy, and she randomly chose an oversized clear purple die with a regular die inside that rattled around (die, as in, one of dice.  I keep feeling like that word is unclear.)  Anyway, we got our balloons and lollipops (SERIOUSLY, this place is like Disney World) and were on our way.  We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and got on the expressway to go home.

And of course- OF COURSE- within minutes of getting on the expressway, I heard her screaming from the back seat.  I whipped my head around, fully expecting to see her seizing.

Oh no.  She was not.

She had taken her oversized purple die and shoved it in her mouth, where it got stuck and she could not get it out.  She was freaking. the fuck. out.  And hello, ME TOO.

So I pulled onto the shoulder (which is not really a shoulder on the Kennedy, right?  It's like a passing lane.  You take your life into your own hands there), half-crawled into the backseat, and started trying to get it out.  It wouldn't budge.  She was freaking out and smacking me away and screaming and I had to keep ducking her blows and reaching for it.  When I finally really got my hands on it, I thought, holy shit, I am going to have to either break her teeth or dislocate her jaw to get this out.  Somehow, I managed to hyperextend her jaw juuuust far enough to get it out, at which point she started screaming full voice and I nearly vomited with relief.

If she had pushed her tongue back even one inch further, she would have turned blue before I got it out.  I don't even want to think about how long it would have taken me to figure out something was wrong. 

It's that fucking Keppra.  She is SO frigging oral when she's in this manic stage.  Just a few days ago, I took away her plastic Dora ring because she kept putting it in her mouth and I was worried she would swallow it or have a seizure while it was in her mouth.  She licks, she bites, and she puts all kinds of things in her mouth.  Including one stupid oversized purple die, which is now in the garbage.

But on the plus side, she was not seizing.  Win?


Megan Elise said...

If it makes you feel any better (you know that you have crappy company) my daughter started choking on a minature plastic egg my MIL had given her for Easter. I thought it was too big to choke on, and I thought I had thrown them all away. My husband apparently thought it was okay for her to put it in her mouth during bathtime but luckily the coughing and gagging made it come up. Oh, and my 3 year old, also bites her nails. Has for over a year. Seriously, what 3 year old bites their nails?

Crabby Apple Seed: said...

I think a lot of them do, actually!

G's BFF (who, if there IS a God, was sent to us by Him so we would know Gracie was not the only Gracie in the world, I so adore this friend of hers) is a hair twirler, and her mom told me they've had to pull over more than once because her fingers got stuck in her hair and she freaked out and started tugging so hard, she was going to tug a chunk of hair out of her head.

oh, and my grandpa once saved a kid's life by popping half of a plastic easter egg out of her mouth that got wedged and was totally occluding her airway. everyone was panicking and he just jammed his finger between the egg and her cheek.

It's true, misery loves company.

Megan Elise said...

Yup, I'm a nurse but not quite as cool as you because I only have a bachelors (I'm totally jealous of your masters by the way.) I worked med-surg (for as little time as possible), pre/post outpatient surgery/caths, and ER. I still haven't found my love.

Rae said...

What's up with those plastic eggs. We had some leftover from Easter hanging out in the guest room (or place where we put stuff that will eventually go up to the attic). Gerald got into them and put a half yellow one straight into his mouth. He smiled all yellow at me. It was pretty easy to get out since he only has 4 teeth, and I was grateful there turned out to be a whole on the top of it....but they are the perfect size to choke a toddler. Also, my prove I'm not a robot combo is 69 ointment.