Friday, January 13, 2012

Why I hate going to the optometrist

Reason the first:

Getting my eyes dilated.  UCH.  Hate.  Especially because at this particular visit, he dilated my eyes, then sent me out to the front room to pick out new glasses.  Thanks dude, great timing.  I can't see a farking thing, what a fantastic time to choose an accessory that will be ON MY FACE for probably three years.  Which is another issue, I always always always get buyer's remorse, because I am, in fact, going to wear them for three years, so what if I hate them???? I remember when I was a junior in high school, I decided to be a little risky, and got these plastic frames that were in kind of a lighter tortoiseshell color/pattern, thinking they would be fun and, maybe?  A little funky? Or something?  Spoiler alert: I looked horrible.  Like the world's BIGGEST DORK.  And since I was a junior in high school, I couldn't afford to just go back and get a different pair.  Of course, this purchase coincided with the point in my life when my eyes got bad enough that I had to wear my glasses all the time, and since the change had just happened, I did not yet have contacts.  Epic fail.  Which is part of my next point.

Reason the Second:

The PRESSURE.  Because eventually?  1 and 2, or 2 and 3, are going to look so similar, it is not so much that it's hard to tell if there's a difference or not, but that there IS a difference, and somehow it is hard to tell which is better.  And it's always a miniscule difference, but it's THERE.  And you just know you're going to make the wrong choice.  And that is always confirmed when they look at your records and oh-so-casually say, "oh, yeah, just a very minor change in the prescription."  And it's usually going from, like, -4.50 to -4.25, and SERIOUSLY?   You can't just leave my prescription alone?  When I have zero visual complaints and I am only here because you make me come here to get new contacts? This is bothersome because, as I mentioned, I remain convinced that I have made the wrong choice and, in fact, my prior prescription was the right one, and this new one is just completely all wrong, but also because...

Reason the Third:

Getting used to a new prescription SUCKS.  It's like that favorite pair of pajamas you have, the nicely worn-in soft ones, that you wear every time they're clean?  Like someone taking them away, handing you a brand-new pair of jeans- and not just any jeans, but really cheap, stiff, scratchy jeans- and being all, "What?  These are actually BETTER.  They will keep you WARMER!" and you're all, fuck that, I felt perfectly FINE in my threadbare flannel, give me back my jammies!!!!  But they will not.  And you must break in the new jeans, so to speak, and spend the day feeling slightly queasy and unsteady, and blinking forcefully, as if something tiny has floated into your eye and you can make everything better if you just squeeze your eyes shut hard enough.  BUT YOU CAN'T.

I also need to get myself to the dentist.  And I hope you don't need me to tell you why I hate THAT.

1 comment:

Stacey Beck said...

I hate getting my eyes dilated too! My optometrist in Toronto always gives me these funny sunglasses I have to wear after. Oh well I guess its the cost we pay to have good vision.