Between a certain summit being held in our city this weekend, requiring INSANELY long work hours of Stephen, and being in the pit of medication administration hell, I have sooo much that I feel like complaining about right now. But I am so tired and frustrated and just sick of feeling sad and mad and having that itchy, unpleasant, "life isn't right" feeling, so I'm not even going to get into any of it.
Because really, what I want to remember years from now and what I want to think about now is the amazing response we've had from so many people. Like the fact that every time we have walked through the doors of my hospital, we've been treated like royalty. And, you know, yes, we've had some special treatment. But the most amazing parts haven't been the special treatment. It was the EEG tech who patiently rocked Grace and sang her a song about a little squirrel in a thick Russian accent while Gracie thrashed and spit and bit at the air, completely terrified during the entire EEG, the MRI nurse who found movie after movie for her to watch while she waited her turn (and asked for some oral Vers@d for her when she was freaking out.), and the ER nurses who understood what it's like for a child to be post-ictal, and carefully and patiently approached her while she cried. And the way everyone I work with has asked about her, encouraged me to stay home with her, and asked how all of us are doing. And my old boss, submitting initial FMLA paperwork for me. My OLD boss! She's not even responsible for me anymore! And the massive prayer chain that started on Facebook when all of my December mamas sent out the call, I am still overwhelmed.
...and the Y. *sigh* The Y is Gracie's favorite place in the world. Every day she asks if we can go to the Y and play. She loves her tuesday morning playgroup and all her friends, and even though she says she doesn't want to go to school, she wants to go to the maze and play, we get to the classroom and she runs after Lucy and they sit and have a tea party together, and you know, even the teachers agree, my little late talker really started talking a blue streak when she met Lucy. And so when this all got really bad, and it all started in the maze at the Y, I was petrified. I was so scared they would tell me they were so sorry, but they just couldn't take the chance and we'd have to keep her home. So I called the early childhood coordinator over the weekend and left her a voicemail with the details of what happened after we'd left, how we'd started seizure meds and she wasn't having seizures anymore and I would call her on monday to discuss details and be sure to stop by if she needed me to do that. But it took me probably an hour to work up the guts to pick up the phone today. I was actually shaking, because I was so afraid of what she would say, and then what would I say? And wouldn't you freaking know it, she's OFF today. Their big triathlon was this weekend and she took today off. And I started to leave another message but her mailbox was full. So I sat and fretted and wondered what to do- I couldn't possibly bring Gracie all the way there and have to turn around and come home. And then my phone rang, and it was the woman from the maze, the woman who came and got me in the gym on thursday when it all started, and who called us again on friday to make sure everything was okay. Calling to say that they'd gotten my message and talked to Gracie's teachers and everything was fine, and if I wanted to come in early on tuesday and talk to them, they'd be ready to talk to me. And, of course, I started sobbing like a little girl. Which, really, was maybe not the best way to thank my new best friend, heh. She was so perplexed,a nd when I finally choked out that Gracie had been asking about going back to the Y ever since thursday, and that I'd been so scared they would say she couldn't come back, she gasped and said over and over, "Oh, no no, oh, don't cry. Don't cry!! Of course she can come back! That's why we're here! If you can't go to the Y, where can you go?!" and I just kept snurfling and hiccuping and generally feeling like a dork and finally just got off the phone.
It was smooth. Really, really smooth.
Let me be totally clear: I would much rather have spent the rest of my life having only a vague idea about the amazing, awesome people I have around me. But now that I know, I'm really, really glad.