Taking a break from my intense mommy-style navel gazing, I wanna do some runner-style navel gazing. It's highly unlikely I'm EVER going to attempt this crap again in my life, so I want to say some of this out loud so I'll be sure to remember.
I thought running was easier in general since Grace was born because my mental game improved. I mean, when you go day after day with no sleep to speak of, and have no choice but to drag your sorry ass out of bed anyway, it sort of toughens you up a little. I needed some toughening up, so it just made sense. I saw a story on the news the other day, though, talking about actual physiologic changes that typically improve running after pregnancy. I knew that getting started again right at six weeks would help me take advantage of the polycythemia left over from pregnancy (basically I still had extra red blood cells hanging out to feed delicious oxygen to my body), but they said it goes beyond that. I can't remember what factors there are, specifically, because I am tired and unspeakably stupid these days. But anyway. I guess choosing to do this right after G's birth was not entirely crazy, and maybe even wise. Yes. I knew I was being wise. It was entirely on purpose.
Last weekend was a twelve mile run, and this weekend is thirteen. After that, we're moving into distances I've never run before.
Ten miles felt great a few weeks ago. Really, really good. I even sped up the last two miles, pretty significantly. Twelve miles last weekend felt like hell on toast. I limped into my parents' house (they babysit G while I go on the extra-long runs) so pathetically, my mom said, "And you think you're going to run twenty six?" Then I came home and napped during G's afternoon nap, which was so ridiculously short I woke up disoriented, caked in drool, and feeling positively ill. As I ran up the stairs to get Grace (using the word "run" awfully loosely here...), I thought, not for the first time, that this was probably the stupidest idea I've ever had.
In other words, I'm having reeeally mixed feelings about this decision. I know that, if I'm successful, it will all be worth it on October 11th (and really, forever, because this is mostly about showing myself I can do it. and bragging rights. but really, truly, mostly about showing myself I can do it.), but sometimes I feel like I need to THINK before I sign up for these things.