Monday, February 9, 2009


Gracie is escalating her nursing strike. Her union rep is refusing to reveal her demands, which is really a shame, because as long as they didn't involve breaking any laws or anything, I'm pretty sure I'd be willing to meet them.

She did this once before- when she was about two weeks old, the left side was a bit overwhelming for her. In the sense that it would practically drown her. So, understandably, she'd get really pissed off and not want to nurse on that side. That evened out a bit, she got bigger and could handle it more, and the problem was solved. I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what is going on here. It started on the left side again, progressed to the right side, and is now progressing to feedings when she's only half awake (so she's howling in the middle of the night, which is awesome, no?).

I haven't bothered to call the lactation consultant who absolutely saved our breastfeeding experience at the beginning, for a few reasons that all conclude the same way: I just don't believe there's an answer to this. Back when I called her, I knew I needed her. The breastfeeding support at the hospital was crap, neither one of us could get the hang of it, and I knew we just needed good advice. We got it, and all was well. Now, I feel like there are a million theories as to why this might be happening, but none of them make any sense. It's not her reflux, because this got worse after we addressed that. It's not the letdown, because I still have a fast side and a slow side, and she does it on both sides. It doesn't really make sense for it to be something physical, because she takes bottles happily. I just...I think she doesn't like it, to be honest.

I go back and forth. It made me cry at first. A lot. I mean, totally silly, but it just feels like such rejection! I don't let myself cry over it anymore because it doesn't change anything, but it's really upsetting. Sometimes I think, forget it, this is so not worth it, I'm done. Then I think, we just have to work through this, she's still too young for me to be willing to switch her to formula when I have such a great supply. When I go back to work and have to pump all day, that might kill things, which is a totally different story for us. THEN I think, yeah, but I'm not willing to pump all day and just give bottles while I'm still home, I'm not a damn dairy cow.

I'm still not sure what we'll end up doing. I'm sort of hoping that if I keep doing what I'm doing, it'll just kind of go away. That solution has served me well for 33 years. We'll see, I guess.

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